The Asylum
by kyolvr
Summary: After Chihiro's adventure in the spirit world things went normally. There was only one big change; she's found herself in an insane asylum? full Description within.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary-** After Chihiro's adventure in the spirit world this went normally. There was only one big change and that was the little girl's confidence had got strikingly up. Her parents asked her what had happened to make her change and she told them, like a good little girl, of her adventures. At first her parents shrugged the odd happenings off as a simple child's imagination. However as a year went by and she was still referencing characters from her wild dream as though they were real her parents started to become concerned. They had gotten her a Therapist but she still insisted that these imaginings we're real. By the time Chihiro turned twelve he parents were at the end of their rope.

**A/N-** Hello! This is a prequal to Searching for Spirits, it'l give more of a background as to how she lost her memory.

**Disclaimer-** I do not own Hayo Miyazaki's creations.

* * *

"I swear it's true! I swear! Damn it why does no one understand this?"

Sure I was only what, twelve? Sure cuss words were not the best of things to leave my mouth but I figured when everyone thinks your insane who cares?

Yes In the words of my therapist I was not mentally sound. For some reason beyond my control I was being taken to a "Happy-camp" by force.

"I would still like to know why I'm being taken to a mental institute." I near yelled as the straight jacket came on.

"It's not a mental institute, it's a camp. One of the men in white insisted.

"I've been to camp; you don't need a backwards jacket!"

As I was piled into the back of a black beat up mini van I got my last fleeting glance at the once new house.

Immediately I went quiet as I saw my mother hunched into my father's chest. I felt tears well up in my sockets as I realized that this was probably the last time I would see this house or place again.

Or that boy as my shrink had called the river spirit.

I kicked the bottom on the driver's seat, which was now the only act of violence I could perform. The men in white quickly ceased my feet lest I try to hop out the window and make my escape.

I wasn't insane, just stupid apparently.

So I had a fairy tale adventure, it was the truth and I was being taken away for talking about it. To think, all those years of believing that if I told the truth good things would happen was a waste.

"It's true." I mumbled stubbornly.

I glared at the driver, he seemed uncomfortable under my eyes and I took a moment to enjoy his discomfort.

"Things like that cannot happen sweet heart." One man holding my legs said.

"My name's not sweet heart." I told him bluntly never taking my eyes off of the driver.

"Chihiro," He apologized.

The man beside me was my shrink, he was a gaunt old looking man and he was getting more and more agitated as the drive went on.

I looked to him with hard brown eyes, I may have just been a kid but my _fake _adventures had taught me a lot.

When I got back my parents told me I was acting different, more confident. They asked me why and I told them, unaware that the more I referenced it like it actually happened the more they would think I had lost my marbles.

My gaze landed back on the driver who now and then would glance in his rearview mirror to see me and quickly glance back in front of him.

"You really should watch the road." I told him, he didn't give me a reply.

My house faded out of sight, taking the silhouettes of my parents with it, I would miss them. I was angry at these people for taking me away from them, and angry at them for letting these people do it.

I boiled on that thought for a moment.

"So it all began with the move here, I was less than happy about it and my parents we're trying to cheer me up."

"Oh don't start this again." The man behind me pleaded, he'd heard my story a million times. He kept asking me if I still heard Kohaku's voice in my head, which I didn't.

"My parents turned into pigs from eating the spirit world's food." I continued.

Miles rolled by as I recounted my adventure in the spirit world. The men around me were less than enthused but I was enjoying my trip down memory lane. I told the story with a smile as I remembered the warmth of every one and every thing.

"It was then that I remembered his name. Kohaku, he was the river spirit that helped me when I was very small." I beamed this last part as we entered the drive of a large hospital.

"Finally." I heard the driver whisper under his breath. I gave him one last glare before I was pushed from the car.

"You know if I stay here too long my friends will start wondering where I am." I said bluntly, I knew that didn't matter but it was worth a try.

"The one's from the spirit world? I'm not too worried." One man said in a mocking manner to which my therapist scolding him.

"No. the one's from school." I replied, which silenced him more that my therapists scolding.

"C'mon Chihiro lets get you checked in." The brown haired man at my side said as the other left to take care of some other business.

My shrink wasn't old, old, he just looked old. Too many trips to the hospital maybe, either way he looked like a one point of time he would have been attractive, however now he was just sunken.

Briefly I wondered what happened in his life to make him that way; his red hair was already graying.

When we got to the counter in the hospital I was let free of my jacket and stood still as he checked me in.

The receptionist at the desk smiled politely at me when my name was mentioned, I gave her a scowl in return.

I didn't feel like being polite.

From there the woman behind the desk led me onward. My therapist left and I was following behind the brunette woman who was definitely much taller than I was.

When we got to my room I was expecting something that resembled a castle dungeon complete with chains on the walls and a wooden bed that had leg and arm holds.

I was surprised to find out that it wasn't like that at all, well except for the bed's leg and arm holds. The room was almost unbearably stark and white but it came with a night stand and a comfortable looking bed at least. The only odd thing was there were no windows.

"Unfortunately the rooms with windows are only for the more experienced guests." She said it like she actually believed I was a guest here.

"Why are there two beds?" I questioned.

"Oh, you have a room mate, her name is Kiki, and she's a real charm. She's probably with the others; it's free time right now."

There was free time in a mental institute?

"If you want we can go meet her. Your clothes will probably arrive around noon so you have some time before you can unpack."

"I brought clothes?"

"Your parents packed them for you." She was still smiling and that was starting to bother me.

"Do I get a choice? About meeting this Kiki person I mean." I said unenthused.

"Well, yes. I'm going to be giving you a tour and explain the rules but you can meet her on your own time if you want."

So I was going to be orientated, perfect. Just what I wanted a tour of an insane asylum that I wasn't supposed to be in, in the first place. This was my first guided tour and it had to be under these circumstances.

That was just peachy.

"Woo." I said half heartedly.

The nurse just giggled at me and started the tour. First she led me down the corridor we had started in.

"These are the wards chambers, the fancier the room the more improvement your making, it's an honors system."

I looked around and it was like she said, as we got further down the doors got more colorful, there were name plates on some and even dry erase boards.

As we got to the end of the hallway we approached a stairwell that went down, we followed it and when we got to the bottom in opened into what looked like a camp rec room.

"This is the free time area. There's a basketball court outside and some picnic tables, all of these privileges are also based on honor system as well. The more progress you make the more you can do." She explained as I looked around at the people. "Right now you won't be able to go outside unsupervised or use the vending machines."

So I was in jail? Great, I thought as much. We went past that large room and into another one.

This was smaller and held only a stand that looked like a large toll booth with three windows. On the other end of the room was a giant dry erase board that held what seemed like a thousand names on it.

"This is where you'll get your medicine, if needed. Depending on what you need its open at breakfast lunch and dinner." The nurse said nodding to the other women who seemed to be setting up shop inside their booth.

The nurse showed me the cafeteria and several of the "classrooms" there was an auditorium with a bulletin board showing all of the patient's names and the progress they had made.

"It's a team effort here. We all look after each other." Said the cheery nurse as she noticed me examining the board.

"What if I don't want to be part of the team?" I mumbled to myself. She didn't seem to hear me since she just kept walking.

The last place she led me was into an office. It was lavishly decorated and the furniture was all covered in the same fabric that squished when she told me to sit down.

"The head therapist needs to check you the rest of the way in. Don't be nervous sweetie; I'm sure you'll like it here."

As she shut the door behind her I reflected over the fact that she was the second person who knew my name to call me sweetie today.

I was beginning to think that these people were just too lazy to remember it when an overweight man in a blue casual business suit strolled in from a door in the back of the room. I met his gaze defiantly.

"Hello Chihiro." He said in a booming base.

I didn't say anything.

"I just want to ask you a few questions and answer any that you might have before I let you go and meet the others." He continued because he realized that I wasn't the "Hi how are you" Type.

I still didn't say anything.

"My report says that you think that you had a spiritual journey?"

"If that means I went to the spirit world then yes, and I don't think that I did, I did." I said stubbornly.

"Of course. Now do you see any of the people you met there on a regular basis?" He asked in a tone that said he wasn't tired of listening like my shrink was.

"No, there not in this world, why would I see them?"

"Oh so they stayed behind then?"

"Sort of, it's not like they went on the journey with me. I found them there."

Maybe if I got this guy to believe me I could go home.

"Are you sure this wasn't a dream Chihiro?"

There it was again, that's the first thing my shrink asked me.

"It wasn't a dream. I came back with bruises."

He regarded me and the scribbled something down in his small leather bound notebook. I narrowed my eyes at him, what information had I given him that was relevant?

"How did you get those?" He asked calmly.

"Well I didn't just go and sit around now did I? I'm kind of a clumsy person anyway."

"Chihiro. I understand if this is a make-believe game that you played with your friends, but at some point the games have to stop you know."

"It's not a game, or a dream. Why do all of you think that I'm making things up?" I said now getting mad.

"Well, things like this don't happen in our world. All of that is just fairy tale." He kept an even tone of voice.

"Well then I had a fairy tale! What's the big deal?" I was close to tears I was so angry with these peoples stupidity but I wasn't going to let them know that so I held them back.

"Why are you so insistent about this story of yours?" He finally asked.

I was quiet for a moment, not sure whether I wanted to tell him or not. He didn't seem like my other doctor, his temper was even and he didn't act or look like he was at the end of his rope.

So I told him. "Because, someone very important to me from that world told me that he'd find me again. He promised." I looked down at my lap while I said it, I wasn't sure what my face looked like and I didn't want him to know either.

The room was silent for a moment as he wrote. Finally he asked. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"When can I leave?"

"As soon as your better. Is there anything else?"

"No."

He told me that lunch was about to start and after that I didn't have anything to do until dinner because I couldn't go to class until the next day. Kiki was supposed to be my buddy but I hadn't met her yet.

The smiley nurse came back to lead me to the cafeteria and as we walked she babbled about the ins and outs of this place again. She threw in a couple more sweeties and pretty soon I decided that I didn't like that nick name.

This new life was going to take a while to get used to, I wasn't sure that I wanted to, but I knew at that moment that it was going to be an interesting experience.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer-** I don't own any Miyazaki creation.

* * *

The cafeteria was packed and reminded me of the one at school. I tuned out the nurse beside me when this thought came about to dwell on it. It was an odd feeling knowing that I wouldn't see that school for a long time.

"I'm going to leave you here now. Kiki is over there at that table, looks like there's an empty seat too!"

"Okay." I said half heartedly in reply to her oh so smooth hint.

"I'll see you later sweetie."

I rolled my eyes at the nickname as she left before I turned to get food.

The woman behind the counter grunted at me before she put what sort of looked like a turkey sandwich in front of me. Or maybe it was ham, I wasn't sure.

I tried to thank her but she walked away before I could get the words out of my mouth. So I started on my way to an awkward experience being the new girl. Again.

Briefly I was reminded of a time when I had been rejected for smelling human. Kohaku had promptly pointed out that a few weeks of eating their food and I would smell like them. Looking at this food, I wasn't sure I wanted to smell like _it._

A smile crept over my lips when I thought about this and the smile was convenient because I had reached my destination.

"h-hello there." I had never been very good at meeting people.

This Kiki girl looked up at me with an accommodating smile. There was nothing really behind it, just the pretty face bordered by short brown hair.

"Hello dear. You must be Chihiro. Sit down." She said calmly as I looked around the table.

They were round tables that held four people each, Kiki was on the left side of two other people, a boy and a girl.

The male was more a man than a boy but he had young features, he had thick dark blue hair that cut off at the nape of his neck. It looked feminine on him but I was slightly in awe at how handsome he was even with his femininity. I also briefly wondered whether they allowed hair dye or if he had smuggled it in. His clothes were old fashioned, and I mean really old fashioned. He wore a plain white shirt with puffy sleeves and very tight jeans, although he didn't seem too comfortable in the jeans, like he was used to something else entirely.

The second girl was a very light brunette, her hair cut off right above her shoulders and her eye's seemed black, giving her a wild look. She didn't smile and the way she looked at me was unsettling, it was like some instinct I had from before I could think for myself was telling me to be aware of her.

Kiki however seemed just fine as she sat next to her with a half eaten sandwich. "What's the matter? We don't bite." The girl said. I took another look at the girl next to her, (something told me that girl might) and then sat down.

"Um, so I guess I'm your new room mate." I said awkwardly, I wasn't sure how to start a conversation with someone who was supposedly crazy. "What happened to the person before me?"

"She had a nervous break down and tried to use a spoon she'd smuggled from that day's soup as a weapon. I wasn't in the room but apparently she took out four people using it before she was caught and taken to the maximum security ward."

"Oh." I said surprised, I knew that there would be crazy people here but I never thought that someone would try to hurt another person with a spoon.

The horror of that statement was just sinking in when the girl next to me started laughing.

"I'm just kidding you know. Gee I didn't think you'd believe me so willingly, she only got moved to another room. She's doing well, you know?" I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I just stared at her while she laughed a bit more.

Thankfully the man at the table spoke before the conventionally acceptable time for being quiet on my part was spent. "Kiki likes to joke." He sounded sort of annoyed. "My name is Howl, and this is San. Obviously you already know who Kiki is."

I smiled as he introduced himself and the others. "I'm Chihiro." I said quietly, I knew that my room mate had already said my name but I didn't know what else to say to people I had just met inside an asylum. Somehow 'hey how are you doing? Good? I'm glad to hear it, wonderful day isn't it?' didn't sound exactly appropriate.

"So what are you in for?" Kiki asked.

"Um, what?" She made it sound like we were in jail.

"You know, what made them decide you were crazy? Are you a schizo, or how 'bout bi-polar? That one's always fun."

"Oh. That, well I haven't exactly been diagnosed but that's okay because I'm not really supposed to be in here in the first place. I'm not crazy." They all exchanged knowing glances when I said that.

"Of course you aren't. No one in here is, it's just like jail; everyone is innocent." Kiki said with a laugh.

So this was jail.

"Okay, fine, what are you guys here for?"

"A little rude to ask, don't you think?" San snapped. There was the bite.

"Oh be quiet San. It's not like any one here cares how many times you've supposedly attempted suicide."

San stopped looking at me in order to glare daggers at my room mate. "Oh come on why the sour face. I didn't tell her anything she couldn't find out by asking a doctor."

Howl shook his head. "I guess if Kiki's going to say it anyway. I have MPD." I gave him a questioning look. "Multiple Personality Disorder." He reiterated.

"Oh." I said sort of to myself, and then I looked at Kiki. It was her turn to fess up after all. She had a sort of amused smirk on her face, like she knew something that I didn't and she was going to tell me that secret, and when she did, it was going to make my whole world spin.

"I am a pathological liar." She said it in a very self satisfied way. That sat in a very uncomfortable place for me. My roommate; the liar. I guess I could deal with that, I had known some people who lied all the time. I wouldn't say they had a disorder but they were easy enough to deal with. At least I knew she wasn't going to try and attack me with a spoon. Although she might say she did.

"Um, okay." I said awkwardly. There wasn't much else to say so I took a bite of my turkey/ham sandwich. The taste didn't answer the mystery of what kind of meat it was.

The rest of lunch went surprisingly smooth. I didn't say much and didn't need to. Howl and Kiki made most of the conversation. Every once in a while San would interject when she didn't like what was going on but for the most part she stayed quiet. Once in a while her gaze would land on me and I couldn't help but look away because of what those black eyes held. It was like I was looking into another world completely.

Instead of concentrating on that, I started to pay attention to the conversation. Well, less the conversation than the way things were said. I noticed Howl had a very flowery way of speaking, when he talked about something he liked his whole body would light up and move, like he was dancing. I liked watching him.

Kiki was interesting. I couldn't pick out her lies, if she was lying, but she had an odd nature to her. I didn't want to necessarily trust her, but at the same time I did. When she actually smiled it was like she knew something I didn't, and when she asked me questions it was as though she was laughing at a joke I didn't get. Or maybe the joke was the fact that I didn't get it. I wasn't really sure I liked my room mate, but maybe tomorrow I would wake up in my bed and this would just be a bad dream and I wouldn't have to worry about liking anyone I met here.

By the time lunch was over I was sort of hoping that it was a dream. A bell rang and I was sure I was in school. Next I would be going to fifth period. English. I loved English, the books; it was like being sucked into another world that I didn't have to come out of until it ended. The nice thing about books was it always wrapped up in a neat and orderly way. There were no loose ends, no "What happens tomorrow?" Just this is what happens, and then they live happily ever after. Like that.

It was a guarantee.

But I wasn't in school, and I wasn't sure if I would be allowed to read books or watch movies that would let me get away from this place and the what if's of tomorrow.

"Hey, your clothes are probably here by now. I'll help you unpack." Kiki's voice shattered through my thoughts and I looked at her sort of dumbfounded.

"But don't you have things to do?"

"They gave me the day off to make you comfortable." She said. "If you don't believe me you can ask a nurse." She seemed to be used to mistrust.

"I believe you." I said. It wasn't that I necessarily believed her; I just didn't exactly care whether or not she was skipping some sort of class. I know that sounds mean but it wasn't any of my business now was it?

We made our way down the corridor where all the rooms were, in an awkward silence. When we were half way to our room Kiki spoke up. "You know San? I was talking to a doctor the other day, and apparently she's a feral child or something. Like they found her in the wild, with wolves, isn't that cool?"

"Um, I guess?"

"See all I knew about her was that she had tried to commit suicide a lot. Like running off of buildings, getting into fights, stuff like that. As you can probably tell she doesn't talk a lot. Howl and I kind of took her into our friendship without her permission." She laughed at that part.

"Okay?" I honestly couldn't think of anything else to say. I felt like I was sinking in some awkward tub of molasses that was shouting at me: _"you really can't think if anything more creative than 'okay'? You realize she's going to think you're an idiot, right?" _

There was a moment of silence.

"You know, I'm not a pathological liar. The doctors just find it hard to believe that I can fly on a broom stick and understand my cat."

"You understand cats?" I said, honestly interested but still sinking in molasses.

"Not all cats just mine. Although I don't know if I could anymore." She sounded far away when she said this.

"But don't pathological liars believe their own lies?" I asked trying to pinpoint what was a lie and what wasn't.

"That's true, but I know exactly when I lie and when I don't lie. You don't have to believe me, but the doctors were wrong."

"I'm pretty sure that the doctors know what they're talking about." My case excluded.

"Well not the one's at the other ward I was in. They didn't want to let me prove to them what I was saying was true so they named me a liar and shipped me here. The doctors here are better but they don't really pay attention."

"So then why are you still in the rooms down here? If you're not a liar then shouldn't you be doing well?" I asked feeling the molasses slipping away.

"If I keep telling the truth they thought was a lie in the first place I'm not getting better in their eyes." She told me as we reached our door.

"Oh." And it was back.

We went into our room and unpacked my clothes, our talk had faded to idle chatter about what we liked to do, something surprisingly normal considering where I was. The rest of the day was spent in that room. I took several naps in the hopes that I would wake up in my real bed but it never happened.

I guess it wasn't a dream after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep didn't come easy that night.

It might have been because I had already taken several naps that day, or perhaps the fact that every time I did nod off I found Kiki staring at me when I awoke.

After opening my eyes to find her staring at me for the last time I figured that the creepy factor was probably it.

"Hey." I said.

No answer.

"Why are you staring at me?" I said louder.

She blinked.

"People don't blink when they sleep with their eyes open." Not that I had experience watching people sleep.

"Darn, caught." She finally said.

"That is so creepy." I told her.

"I know, that's the point." She said. "Did you know you sort of twitch in your sleep?" Then she started to convulse in a way. She made her shoulders jump and kicked her feet around. "Like that."

"Good to know." I said flatly. I didn't really care.

"Did you dream?" She asked.

"A little." I answered.

Kiki propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me intrigued, "What about?"

"Normal dream stuff," I raised an eyebrow at her. "Why?"

The girl across from me sort of half shrugged. "Just thought I'd make conversation, you're not going to sleep well tonight anyway."

"Why is that?" I asked her as I sat up. She was probably right.

"No one sleeps well their first night here." She informed me.

"Oh."

"So how'd you get here anyway? What's your story?"

I looked around the room uncomfortably. There wasn't much in it, certainly nothing I could change the subject with. There were two dressers in the rather stark room; it was a lot like what I'd heard a dorm room was like. I had some friends in boarding schools that sent me pictures. Hey, maybe I could say I went to a boarding school when I talked to my friends?

"Hello?" Kiki brought me back to reality.

"Um, Well, Uh, just…problems." I attempted to sound aloof and cool but I don't think it worked.

She laughed. "Come on, you can tell me. It's not like anyone cares around here."

That was true; I mean everyone here was just as crazy, if not more so than I supposedly was.

"Alright, fine." I finally said. "It all started when me and my parents moved here a couple years ago," and so I told her.

I told her about the spirit world and how my parents had turned to pigs and I had almost disappeared if it weren't for Kohaku. I told her about the bath house and how my name had been stolen and how I'd retrieved it. I told her everything and it felt good to talk about my adventure without having notes written while I told it. Kiki just sat in the dark and listened. I could tell when she blinked by when the white in the middle of her face disappeared and reappeared. Sometimes her eyes would brighten like she was enjoying it. She seemed like she might have believed me too because she never shook her head or looked at me like something were impossible.

"After I got back from that world and told my parents about it they thought I'd had a dream. Of course they got more concerned as time went by."

"Oh, so it was your parents who turned you in, huh." She said it seriously.

"Well I'm sure my therapist pushed them pretty hard to do it." I looked away from her.

There was a moment of silence.

"How'd you get to be here?" I finally asked her.

"Let's get some sleep." Was all she replied before turning her back on me.

The next morning I jumped when I heard a bell going off, it didn't wake me up because I had been awake for an hour. Kiki stirred only slightly to turn over and hide her head under a pillow.

"Go turn the light on or they'll do it for us." She said in a muffled, sleepy voice.

I did what she asked but it bothered me that she said "they" would do it for us. I mean, who was this "they" she spoke of and how would they know our light wasn't on? Did they have hidden cameras around, watching our every move to make sure we didn't start frothing at the mouth? Kiki, obviously didn't have these thoughts rushing through her extremely groggy head, instead she was ripping off her covers, without moving the pillow from her head.

I marveled briefly at her laziness before changing into day clothes. Somehow I found changing from pajamas to jeans and a t-shirt slightly silly.

I hadn't slept very much that night; instead my head was busy with questions and theories and even escape plans. Somehow I had managed to ponder why Kiki had dodged my question as well.

As I was beginning to dwell on that again, a voice came over an intercom in our room.

"Chihiro, please report to the head therapist's office. That is all."

I looked at the ceiling, where the voice had come from, hoping that maybe they would come on and elaborate that the reason I was being called there was that I was being sent home.

Unfortunately, no such luck.

I sighed before leaving the room, Kiki had half her body out of bed when I left, the bottom half. Her head was still buried somewhere in pillow land, I envied her ability to stay asleep.

As I walked down the hall I thought about how much the bags under my eyes must have weighed. I guessed at least the equivalent of some history text books, the big ones that seem so pointless because no one ever has enough time to teach that much history in a year. I also thought about how stupid it was that I hadn't paid attention to the tour that the nurse had given me.

I was lost.

To the right was a door that read "Janitor" to the left was a hall way that looked like it held more rooms, there was a payphone on one of the walls but somehow I didn't think that calling the front desk would work. I kept moving forward, down the hall that looked the same as the one I'd just been in. I was just about to turn back and see if I couldn't find Kiki when I bumped into Howl. He had just come out of what I would assume was his room.

"Well good morning." He said cheerily.

"Hi." I said quietly. I didn't really want to let him know I was lost so I avoided eye contact.

"Where are you off to this morning?" He asked me.

"Uh, head therapist's office." I said before beginning to walk straight again. Eventually I would find it right?

"Oh, well you're going the wrong way you know."

I stopped, looked around, briefly wondered if I could find a way to make it sound like I knew what I was talking about, realized there wasn't and finally faced him. "Oh really? Where would the right way be?"

He chuckled and waved his hand, signaling me to come back to him. "You missed the turn." He said. "Here, I'll show you."

"Okay."

So he showed me where to go. I was sort of wondering whether he would be late for something, but the smile on his mouth gave me a weird relaxed vibe, like he didn't have to be anywhere if he didn't want to be. "How was your first night?" Howl looked down at me with his blue eyes; they were glossy and full of life. I wondered how that could be, I hadn't been here for more than two days and I was already feeling lost and alone.

"Sleepless." I answered him unenthusiastically. He laughed, he had a very warm laugh, and when he did I felt alright with where I was. Somehow this person calmed me down even though I was in a prolonged state of panic.

"We're here." He said.

I hadn't even realized that we'd made it through the cafeteria and into the hallway that held the offices. "Oh, thanks." He said it was no problem and disappeared.

Nervously, I knocked on the door and from the inside I heard a muffled voice tell me to come in, so I did.

Inside I found the "head therapist" that I had met yesterday sitting at his desk; he was wearing a black suit today. I realized that I hadn't gotten his name, however I also realized that I didn't exactly want it.

I figured I probably should get it anyway so instead of asking I looked for a name plate. After searching his desk for a moment I found it.

"_Doctor Jay Harlow"_

Odd name but who was I to judge?

Doctor Harlow stared at me with an obnoxious smile on his equally obnoxious and large face.

I tried not to scowl.

"How are you today, Chihiro?" He asked, leaning foreword in the stereotypical therapist pose. His fingers interlaced, resting gently on the desk, his glasses perched at the end of his nose.

"Peachy." I said unenthused.

Doctor Harlow kept smiling but I saw his brow furrow as he reached for a clip board with what I could only assume was my information on it. He thought I had missed this subtle hint at his discomfort, but I hadn't.

Briefly I wondered if this eyebrow movement was normal for him. When his forehead smoothed again a permanent crease where his eyebrows had almost met remained. There were also worry lines on his forehead; he seemed older than yesterday, although I hadn't really been paying attention to him yesterday.

Now I studied his face with some intensity. He had a dark complexion, small freckles dotted his nose and neck. His hair was slightly silver, but only in streaks; the rest was black and wavy. This made him look a little bit younger, but not by much. He was middle aged, and if I hadn't been in this situation I would say that he looked quite friendly.

Not right now though, I only saw him as something I wanted to avoid. I looked away as his blue eyes came to rest on me.

"It says here that you went to the spirit world?"

"Didn't we go over this yesterday?" I asked annoyed.

"Yes, but I'm just going over facts. Now, from the reports your old therapist filed about you, it looks like you are suffering from schizophrenia. From the talk I had with you yesterday I'm inclined to agree with that."

"Wait. Isn't that where you talk to yourself?" I asked with wide eyes.

"In some cases yes, but-"

"I don't talk to myself." I cut him off before he could continue.

"That's only in some cases, Chihiro. Schizophrenia is a very complica-" A beeping from his phone cut him off again. He looked down at it and I saw his eyes widen the tiniest bit. "Excuse me." He whispered before picking it up.

"Yes, Doctor Harlow speaking…yes." I was slightly awkward as he spun to the side in his chair, he wasn't looking anywhere in particular but he was very intent on the phone. "Oh she did? Again?...Alright. Bring her to my office." Then he hung up the phone and looked at me.

"I'm sorry Chihiro; I'll have to explain later, I'll have the nurse start you on your medication. For now you're excused."

I took that as my cue to leave. Without saying anything I retreated to the door and walked through the hallways back to the cafeteria where breakfast was in process.

The whole place was buzzing. Something had happened.

I got my food and sat down where I saw Howl and Kiki, but San was nowhere to be seen. I would have assumed that she just hadn't gotten there yet but the two already sitting looked concerned.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked.

Kiki looked up at me and followed my movement as I sat down. "San tried to commit suicide again."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Miyazaki creations.**

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I wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, I mean, didn't she do that often?

"Oh, uh, how?" I asked with awkward concern.

"The nurses were walking her to a therapy session through one of the bridges with windows and she saw someone on the street, became enraged and tried to break through the glass." Howl told me.

"Yeah, but when she couldn't do that she ran off down the hall way, the nurses tried to stop her but she hit one and bit the other so hard that she bled. When she found a window that was open she tried to jump out of it." Kiki continued, I was horrified, something told me that Kiki wasn't lying about this one. "It took our two biggest security guards to get her out of the window, and even they have some bruises."

"I-is she okay?" I asked, not quite sure whether to be more concerned for San or the staff.

"They had to sedate her but I don't think she was harmed in any way. None of us have gotten any information though." Said Howl putting on a soothing voice that calmed me down a little bit.

I wasn't sure what to think about all this, I was so overwhelmed that I hadn't noticed that Kiki had gotten me a breakfast. She told me it was oatmeal but I was slightly skeptical given the questionable nature of yesterday's meal. Regardless, however I ate it.

"Well, either way, Chihiro, eat up, 'cause we still have classes to go to." Kiki was smiling as I looked at her quizzically; I thought all that would be to do was therapy sessions. "What, you didn't think you would have your schooling cut short did you?"

"Oh." I guess Kiki was about my age come to think of it, maybe a little older, and it made sense that we would have to go to classes. So I slurped down the rest of my oatmeal that tasted surprisingly normal and we went to class.

I asked about Howl but Kiki informed me that, "can't you tell? He's an adult, he's done with school. Geeze."

Sorry I asked.

After that we both walked in relative silence until our classrooms. It wasn't the comfortable silence either, it was that awkward sort of silence where at least one party is attempting to think of something to talk about but is failing. It was my least favorite kind of silence.

Kiki was in a different grade than I was and so we parted ways at my classroom, I was slightly relieved to be parting from her after the walk there considering our silence. I was also strangely happy about being in a classroom setting again, it was the whisper of normalcy in the asylum that I needed. I could also safely ignore the people around me as I pretended to pay attention to the lesson.

I took advantage of that ability and ignored any verbal contact for the next four hours before lunch and then the remaining hours afterwards. When I got out of my last class I was met by Kiki and Howl.

"Now we go to group therapy." Said Kiki, and I followed the two of them down the hall.

In therapy, I mostly observed as the group talked about their problems, Kiki made things up, and most of the time made the therapist mad, Howl sat like me, observing. I listened to one girl who had short brown hair and was outlandishly dressed in blue talk about how she had been exposed to harmful toxins as a child. I thought about what that might have done to her as she rambled on about some prophecy that she still wasn't sure was entirely real.

It wasn't as if these people we're wrongly diagnosed, they all seemed legitimately crazy or should I say ill? Either way it seemed that Kiki and I had been the only ones they were wrong about. Howl hadn't shown any symptoms of his insanity but he may have just been good at hiding it.

I was deep in thought about this when she said my name. "Chihiro, you've been awfully quiet, is there anything you want to talk about?" The therapist leading this group talk had long dark hair that was impressively straight. Her mouth curled down even when she was smiling and her eyes seemed sad.

"No." I replied stubbornly.

She didn't seem fazed at all. "Well, could you at least introduce yourself? Who knows, you could make a few friends."

"Why do I want to make friends here? It's an asylum, it's full of crazy people, I'm not crazy, so I don't want to make friends here." I realized just how rude that statement had been the second it left my mouth, and it alarmed me slightly that I was okay with that. I had no desire to befriend these people, but maybe my statement would get me kicked out of the session early.

"Well maybe next time you'll feel more open, hm?" Then the Woman moved on. Apparently I would have to do something more drastic in order to get kicked out.

I saw Kiki look over to Howl in concern, and I was puzzled because he didn't look any different, in fact he wasn't even looking back at her. She nudged him with her elbow a few times and he finally acknowledged her presence by shoving her away. It was hard enough that Kiki looked slightly pained by it, and it caught the attention of the therapist.

"howl-"

"Oh no! It's fine, I was falling asleep-I stayed up late with Chihiro because of her first night-he was nudging me to wake up, I overreacted about it, you know." I wouldn't have noticed that Kiki seemed slightly nervous had I not seen the truth a moment ago, and even though the therapist overlooked it, I was intrigued.

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**A/N:**** Points to anyone that can guess who the patient talking during group therapy is.**


	5. Chapter 5

**disclaimer: I don't own Haiyo Miazaki works.**

**A/N: ****the chapter before was supposed to contain some of the stuff in this chapter but I got excited and uploaded it before I saved it on my computer :/, oh well, it ended up working better like this anyway. The character before in therapy was Nausicaa(maybe she's not a main character because of the difficulties in spelling her name?). She only wears a pink dress at the end, most of the movie she's in blue.**

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What was she trying to cover up? Howl seemed the same, his smile was gone but I just assumed that he had gotten bored. Maybe it was something else. After a while I realized that he looked more and more as if he was struggling against something and finally he got up and left.

"Howl, what are you-" the door slammed before the therapist could get done with her sentence.

The next thing I knew I was out the door as well. I wasn't sure what led me to follow him, but as soon as I was in the hall Kiki was behind me.

She grabbed me by the arm and stopped me. "I wouldn't follow him if I were you. Not while he's Pendragon."

"What are you talking about; I thought you said 'no one was crazy' in here."

"Howl really does have MPD and that's one of his personalities, a violent one, so don't follow him." She cautioned me.

"Look, I can handle myself." I told her as I freed myself from her grasp and took off on the hunt for Howl.

It took me what seemed like hours to find him, I searched every inch of the Asylum, even snuck through places that seemed off limits. I had looked in both men and women's bathrooms, which got me a few scolding's and effectively acquainted myself with the building. I had just about given up looking for Howl when I spied him.

He was huddled in a corner in the rec room, hugging his knees, soaking wet. It had apparently started to rain while I was looking around for him, and judging from how wet he was, I guessed he had been outside. I decided that it wasn't the time to ask how he had gotten himself outside and went over to him.

"H-howl?" I asked cautiously, remembering Kiki's warning.

No answer.

"Pendragon?" I took a step closer to him at that point.

He glanced up at me quickly and I barely heard him say "Whose Pendragon?" and then he buried his head in his arms again.

I knew Kiki was lying to me. Maybe she was the one with the disorder after all. "Okay, Howl, why did you leave therapy?"

"Who are you talking about? My name's Jenkins." He sounded hurt that he had to explain this to me, and he seemed about five years younger than he normally did.

"I'm sorry?" I didn't know what to do. A shudder went through his entire body and I found myself sitting beside him awkwardly. "Are you okay?"

I got no response and so I sat there for a few moments in a silenced panic wondering what I should do in this situation, what someone with better social skills might do. I put my hand on his back like Lin would do and he all but collapsed into me.

We were still for a while, I would have thought that Howl was sleeping but with his head in my lap I could see that he was sobbing. From time to time his body would let out a horrible shiver that made my heart ache to watch. I tried to ease his pain in some way but nothing I tried seemed to work so we just sat there in silence save for the sound of his inconsistent breathing.

Howl was inconsolable so I said nothing and sat there wondering when he might pull himself together. From time to time I attempted to say something but I was either ignored or the words didn't come out at all.

Eventually, he did fall asleep.

Now I was stuck there by the dead weight of this person using me as a pillow. Not that I minded, an unconscious Howl was better than Kiki, who stared at me in the dark.

The rain outside made the view from the windows that lined one side of the room dark and only faint shapes of a basketball court could be made out. Inside it was only marginally lighter since Howl, or Pendragon, or Jenkins, or whoever hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. Good thing I was no longer afraid of the dark. There were pool tables and old sofas around, here and there were beat up old arcade games like pinball, and a TV was poised on the wall above my head. It was a lot like what I would imagine a rec room anywhere else looking like and so I decided that this is where a lot of my free time would be spent. It made me feel a little bit safer.

Absentmindedly I stroked Howls blue locks, his hair reminded me of Kohaku, although the spirit I knew kept his hair well-trimmed.

I was beginning to dose off to the thought of the river spirit laying in my lap rather than Howl when I heard footsteps approaching us. Waking up slightly I looked to where the sound was. It was one of the nurses that frequented the hallways during the day. She seemed slightly annoyed.

"I've been looking all over for the two of you. It's way past lights out." She said continuing toward us.

I was about to open my mouth to apologize when I felt a hand on my cheek, it was Howl's.

"Sophie?" He whispered, his tear streaked face lifted with bewilderment.

"Um, no?" Who was Sophie?

The hand on my cheek changed from that of a soft touch to a slightly painful grasp. Howl's face twisted in rage and I was caught by surprise when I was thrust downward headfirst to the floor.

The nurse was surprised too. She quickly took something that looked like a walkie-talkie from her belt and mumbled into it. "Pendragon! What are you doing! You're going to hurt her!"

My left side slammed into the tile floor and Howl got to his feet as a stinging sensation preceded the pain that I would feel in my forehead and shoulder.

"Damn straight I am. She took her away from me! You too!" Then he seemed to forget about me and approached the nurse.

I got to my knees and looked on in awe. I should have been running for the door but I was in shock and the severity of Howl's personality difference. Before he didn't seem like he had the capability of scaring a fly away and now he was menacing and poised to kill. Or so it seemed to me.

The nurse backed away slowly, she allowed a pool table to stand in between the two of them but Howl took care of that by flipping it on its side, scattering all of the balls and chalk within it across the floor. She let out a small shriek and the man in front of me chuckled cruelly.

The fear was beginning to sink in, that this really wasn't the Howl I had met the day prior and if his attention found me again I might not get away with just the bruises that were forming on my shoulder and forehead. I started inching toward a side door, unfortunately getting to my feet made a noise and His attention was brought back to me.

Now I could see his face, distorted in a mixture of rage and cruelty and vengeance, Pendragon was his own entity. And he was coming for me.

"Where are you going?" He said loudly, his question needed no reply, it was obvious that I wasn't going anywhere anymore.

I was about ready to dive for one of the pool balls that had scattered on the floor to throw at him when two very large men came bursting through the door. Pendragon spun around with a new vigor at the prospect of two more victims.

These men weren't going to back away slowly though, they advanced on him, letting the nurse disappear through the door as they passed her.

She was lucky.

Pendragon hardly had time to move before his arms were seized, a large man on each side. He started screaming in defiance but they were unrelenting. After a few moments the silver metal of a syringe glinted in the light from the hallway as they plunged it into the struggling captives neck.

Slowly the fight drained out of him and his eyes drooped in the haze of sleep brought on by the sedative they had given him. I couldn't decide whether the attack or the sedation was more horrifying.

As the men dragged an unconscious Howl from the room I all but fell back to the ground. It was silent for a while, then the nurse came back in, apparently I was not forgotten.

"Chihiro." She said testing the waters.

"I want to go home." I was twelve, and after witnessing that, I really did need therapy.

"I'll help you back to your room."

So we went back to my room because now the really wouldn't let me leave.

I crawled into bed without changing, and without saying a word to Kiki. If she wasn't asleep she was at least pretending to be and I was grateful for that. I was in no mood to talk.

Of course sleep didn't come nearly quick enough and I was trapped in the dark thinking about what had happened. The event itself was horrible, but it was worse to think about what else was within these walls.

If that monstrosity was Howl, what of the other people that I hadn't met yet? What of Kiki, who seemed like she was normal, just as Howl had? Had he been normal upon entering this facility or had the denial of his sanity driven him insane? Would I suffer the same fate? To grow into the insanity they had picked for me, become schizophrenic, hear voices in my head?

These thoughts circled, unanswerably in my head until I exhausted myself and settled into a state of dreamless unconsciousness.

Thank God it was dreamless.

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**A/N: I'll try not to disappear too much but I make no guarantees, sorry guys.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything that Hayo Miazaki creates.

**A/N**: It's been crazy in my world for a while.

Also, thanks for all the reviews! They mean a lot!

_Life Is No Fairy Tale_- Thanks for that! I'll be sure to use D.I.D from now on.

* * *

I woke up with a start and looked around to find that I was the only one in the room. They had let me sleep in, or so it seemed. Groggily I got up and got dressed, I picked out the first thing that was on top of the drawer and it happened to be a blue sundress. It was altogether too bright for my mood but I put it on and proceeded to find my way to the cafeteria.

I got my food and looked around, the whole place seemed crowded still, so I obviously wasn't too late, I finally found Kiki, sitting alone at a two person table. I walked over and sat down.

"Did they let you sleep in too?" I asked.

"It's Saturday," she replied bluntly. Kiki seemed to get annoyed at my obvious cluelessness but answered the question on my mind anyway. "They let us sleep in on the weekends, everything starts later."

"Oh." I said quietly, looking down at my meal. I didn't want to ask the questions that were really pertinent to me, she had reacted like that to one question, and I didn't want to risk another.

We sat in silence and ate our meals, I tried not to let it get awkward but of course it was inevitable.

I avoided Kiki's gaze by examining the cafeteria, it was a crowded place with chairs and tables placed so close together that it was hard to get between them when it was crowded. All of the patients seemed to be here today, running around, sitting at tables, eating, talking, and laughing. Briefly I wondered how anyone in this situation could be laughing. I focused in on the brown haired girl who had been in blue during therapy, she now wore pink, and it was just as outlandish and had some type of embroidery on the front. She seemed to be in her own little world, pleasantly smiling as the people around her talked with some intensity.

"They're talking about Howl." Kiki said disdainfully nodding over to the table I was looking at. It surprised me but she didn't look over to see me snap my head back in her direction. "It's always big news when he loses it, and now it's even bigger because of you." This time she looked at me with a glare.

I flinched away from her look. "What was I supposed to do? Leave him?"

"Yes!" She struggled to keep her voice down. "He knows how to calm himself down but you disrupted that. Not to mention you started him off."

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!" I was slightly annoyed at Kiki's hostility.

"You said that you didn't care for anyone in here." She said bluntly.

"So? It's true." I shrugged.

"It's tactless is what it is. He thought you were nice, wanted to be friends you know? You upset him." She said calming down a little bit.

"Oh, so you're saying that no one should ever upset Howl?" That was ridiculous, he shouldn't get special treatment.

"Yes, that's basically what I'm saying."

It was my turn to get annoyed at her. "Look, I don't see why he should get special treatment when-"

"Chihiro." Kiki half yelled, she successfully got the attention of half of the cafeteria with her volume. She stared at me with a look that told me not to breathe and waited for her audience to settle down. "This isn't your spirit world. This isn't even your world outside these walls. We play by different rules here. You don't get the luxury of parading around like a spoiled brat! When someone-"

And that was the end of the conversation because Howl had entered the cafeteria.

Everything went silent in the room. Everyone seemed to be focused on Howl as he made his way from the entrance to the serving line. There was an array of different faces, from fascination, to terror, to worry, no one laughed, and no one snickered. We all just watched with caution until he had made his way through the line and sat down at an empty table in the corner. Then everything resumed.

I was still in slight shock from seeing him though; I was also slightly confused that he hadn't come to our table, pulled up a chair or something like that. I realized that I was slightly disappointed by this, so instead of remembering that I had just been scolded, I stupidly opened my mouth. "Why isn't he over here?"

"Did you see him? He's ashamed." Kiki hissed at me.

I looked back at Howl and realized that he _did _look ashamed. His head was tilted downward and his blue eyes refused to look up for anything. His whole slender frame seemed to slump as he ate his food. How had I not caught on to that when he walked in?

I felt bad, so I stood up to go over to him but I was stopped by Kiki.

"Don't go over there; he's not going to want to talk to you right now."

This time I listened to her, and sat back down.

"Shouldn't I go apologize or something?"

"Not right now." Kiki was obviously getting tired of my stupidity.

I would have gotten up and left but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do on Saturdays. So I waited for Kiki to finish her meal, and then followed her out into the hallway. "Saturdays are mostly free days." She said. "Everyone gets taken in for one on one therapy once in the day and there are group sessions around six. It's the same on Sundays."

I was silent for a moment. Trying to think of something that I could do to occupy my day other than staring at the white walls of my room. Kiki suffered me for a few more seconds and then let out an exasperated sigh and walked away.

I took to wandering.

It was slightly harder to wander around this place than it was to wander around the bath house in the spirit world. There were a lot more restrictions, Every once in a while I would get shooed out of places by nurses or doctors. They often told me to go to the rec room but I was bound and determined to avoid it.

After a few wrong turns had led me to the same place, the nurse, who was grumpily cleaning up a mess that another nurse had left behind while grumbling about the lack of responsibility in this place, approached me.

"What's your name?"

"Chihiro." I said, already beginning to turn around to leave.

"Are you getting lost? Do you need directions?" She seemed annoyed, but it wasn't directed at me, like Kiki's anger had been, so I turned around.

"No, I'm just walking around. I don't really know what to do."

"Why not go to the rec room?"

"I'd rather not." I said uncomfortably.

She thought for a moment." Well then, do you like to read?"

I looked at her in awe. "yeah."

"Well, there's a library on the second floor, open to everyone, if you want directions I can give them to you."

"Please!" I said eagerly.

The nurse wrote out directions on a scrap of paper for me and I immediately knew what I was going to spend my weekends doing from now on.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own any creation of Hayo Miazaki

**A/N**: This is not dead, it just won't be updating all that frequently, that's all.

Also, anyone who knows the first book she describes is generally awesome and deserves every imaginary point that exist in the imaginary world, and anyone who knows of John Green and his books is just awesome and a Nerd Fighter. For those of you who do not know who John Green is, go to youtube and look up "Vlogbrothers", also you can google them and see how they got started. That is my shameless nerdfighter plug for the day.

I will try to update again soon but I make no guarantees.

* * *

The library was much larger than I expected it to be. When I think of an asylum library I think small and stuffy with very few books. On the contrary, this place was very modern and seemed to have a fine selection. It was upstairs and was a veritable catacomb of book shelves that had a small clearing type area in the middle that had four comfy looking chairs around a small coffee table. They were all facing each other, a conversation trap no doubt, meant to enhance bonding and therefor help healing, there were a few people sitting there talking as I entered with the book I had chosen.

I found another place to sit.

I found a nice place with chairs that faced a screen door, it led out to a balcony but I suspected that the door would be locked. So I sat down in one of the chairs and opened my book.

I was immediately immersed in the world of a lesser demon of hell that had been trapped within a book. He was telling me to burn the thing incessantly, this went on for a couple pages before he let it slip that he was a demon. Eventually he side tracked himself into a story about his father, who seemed to be a putrid old abusive demon. My heart was racing along with the little demon as he ran away from his murderous father across towering trash mountains when someone plopped violently into the chair beside me.

It was San.

I was startled to see her in the library, let alone away from anyone in a nursing uniform. She stared at me angrily.

"Um. Hello?" I said uncomfortably.

She looked down at my book, a motion I almost didn't catch.

"Uh…it's about a demon that gets trapped in a book. It's kind of cool, on the cover it says that the author found the book instead of wrote it and just translated it instead. It's kind of cool." I continued awkwardly as she stared at me, boring a hole between my eyes.

"I've dealt with demons before. They are not, 'kind of cool'." She said and then looked out the window.

I didn't want to step on any more land mines of hers so I slithered back behind my book and shifted in my chair.

A few moments went by in silence before she stood from her chair with some urgency, bringing me out of my book again.

"That damn woman." She whispered, inching toward the window, anger in every step she took.

"What?" I said clueless and stupid. San didn't look back at me.

"That woman!" She said, only marginally louder. "She keeps coming here to torment me!"

I couldn't tell if she was talking to herself or to me. I stood up to look at what she was seeing. There was a black haired woman all the way near the entrance of the building. She was walking away. From where I stood she seemed to be rather tall, one hand was gripping the jacket she wore while the other arm was hanging limply at her side. I couldn't tell what was wrong with her other arm but it seemed fake. "The black haired woman?" I asked.

San was at the window now, hands against the glass, almost clawing it. "The nurses think I tried to kill myself. It was her. I want her dead." She was growling, and it sounded inhuman.

I've heard people growl before, jokingly, or mimicking animals. This was different though, it was that feral thing I sensed in her from the beginning coming out. It was as though she was born amongst animals, she knew how to growl from a base instinctual place. She scared me, but since I'm the curious little idiot I am, I had to persist. "What was her, wait why do you want her dead?"

She didn't answer any of my questions, the next thing I knew she had taken off running through the stacks. Something told me to follow her so I did. "What are you doing?" I spoke urgently.

"I have to kill her before she gets away!" San Growled.

In an instant she picked up speed. I started running to keep up with her but knew that she would get away.

So instead of letting her leave, I kinda, sorta, tackled her.

We were on the ground in an instant. I was on top of her and she was struggling against me as violently as she could.

"Child! You don't know what you're doing. That woman is evil!" She was grappling to get on top of me. I tried to pin her hands down and dodged her as she tried to bite me. Bite me! She belonged here!

"You don't even know who she is!" I countered trying to keep my voice down to possibly keep attention away from us. Like that was going to happen.

"She killed Ashitaka!" San near yelled in my face before she succeeded in flipping me over. She didn't waste any time on me before she was off in a wolf like sprint. I'd never seen such elegance in a run before. Not even in the spirit world.

I followed her as best I could but she found her way to another window and before I got there she had thrown a book at it hard enough to shatter the window. The sound was enough to call attention to her.

"San!" I yelled before she disappeared through the broken portal.

I gingerly stepped through the jagged window and watched her slide down the slanted part of the building. At the end of the slant she jumped down to a drainage pipe on a lower roof and then finally jumped to the ground, landing smoothly. I wondered briefly how she got the courage and sheer ferocity needed to perform a stunt like that.

I hadn't noticed that I was surrounded by two nurses and one security guard who was mumbling something into his walkie talkie, it beeped after he got done talking and then beeped again and protruded some sort of garbled speech that I guess he alone understood.

One of the nurses shook her head. "Who knew she'd come here." She said to the other nurse.

The other nurse looked at me before she spoke. "San escaped therapy this morning. We've been looking for her everywhere since. She seems to have a problem with Miss Eboshi, a woman who comes to see her son every once in a while." I nodded, intrigued by this.

"This Eboshi lady had to have done something." I said inquiringly.

The other nurse shook her head. "San sometimes goes to talk to her son, but she had Miss Eboshi never had any feuds that we know of. One day San just started going after her."

Then they were done talking to me. They walked back into the library, probably headed to meet San at the door after she had been detained. I heard a little bit of their conversation as they went though.

"Hey, when San tried to commit suicide…"

"Yeah, Eboshi was there, looks like she might have been going after her again."

"Jeeze, I mean I know San likes the kid, but Eboshi is his mother, you'd think that they would get along."

"Hey, that's gissip."

The nurses drifted out of earshot after that and I stared down at the scene. No one had arrived yet and the two seemed to be staring each other down. I may have just been seeing things due to being far away but it seemed like this Eboshi lady was hostile towards San as well, and not in the you've-attacked-me-before-so-I'm-afraid-of-you way. San lunged at the woman and I saw something shiny in the woman's hand before two burly men came and detained San. Eboshi made a quick movement to hide whatever was in her hand and the men carried a screaming San away. Two nurses then came up to talk to Eboshi and I walked away from the window.

I decided not to finish the book I had picked out on the grounds that I had already viewed too many horrible things and did not need to read about those macabre evils. I went back to the shelves and found a book by John Green instead and tried to calm myself down by getting lost in the quirky writing style, and personalities of "Paper Towns".

After finally convincing myself to get lost in that book and wandering around the streets and fake suburbs of Orlando Florida I found myself at the acknowledgements page having missed lunch.

It was six and so I decided to head down to the cafeteria where most people were eating dinner. I found Kiki and Howl and discovered that they had not yet heard about the San incident in the library and I was not about to inform them. I sat in silence during dinner and ate while Kiki and Howl had a stop and start conversation about their days.

It was obvious that they were trying to pretend that Howl had not had a break down the night prior and as a result was extremely awkward.

I was decidedly quiet during evening group therapy and went back to the library briefly before it was time to retire for the night. I was able to check out a couple of books and took them back to my room. I read a little in silence before they called lights out.

Kiki told me that if I wanted to I could probably try to talk to Howl tomorrow and I made a plan to do just that and then we said goodnight. I was glad there was not any drawn out conversation between us because I didn't want to tell her about San and have her scold me for that situation on top of what happened with Howl. Kiki seemed to be close to her friends if nothing else.

As I drifted off to sleep flashes of blue water behind my eyelids kept waking me up. It was as if I was dipping my head into a river with my eyes open. The current was fast and cold and said that something important needed to be conveyed. It was uncomfortable, but finally I fell asleep, and what I found in unconsciousness was not much better than what falling asleep had been.


	8. Chapter 8

I floated around underwater for a while, getting used to my surroundings and the sensation of feeling like I should be drowning but not actually drowning. After that it was actually quite peaceful and I felt at home in the water slowly floating downstream. Vaguely I remembered this place; it was the river that Kohaku had saved me from when I was a kid. Now why was I dreaming about that?

"_Chihiro." _

The voice was startling, it was his alright, I would recognize it anywhere. I looked around for him but I couldn't see him anywhere. Trying to speak was a fruitless effort, the water rushed into my mouth the moment I opened it and stopped my voice.

"_Please."_

What? Please what? I want to help you but I can't even talk back! I can't see you! Where are you?

"_listen."_

"I am!"

My bed and clothes were drenched with sweat when I woke up. I was sitting up straight in my bed having made my exclamation trying to convey to Kohaku that I could hear him. I looked over to Kiki and she was staring at me in silence.

"You okay?" She asked sounding less than enthusiastic about being woken up.

"Yeah. Sorry, just dreaming."

"Hey, we all dream. Some of us just seem to be louder than others." With that she turned over and left me more than a little annoyed at her in the dark.

It wasn't my fault that I wasn't able to speak in my dream. I shouted out of frustration. Sorry.

I turned over to stare at the, oh so interesting blank wall and tried to go back to sleep, perhaps recreate the dream and maybe I would be able to talk in it.

I had no such luck; morning came in silence and darkness. The lights came on and I woke up instantly still staring at the lovely white wall.

Agitation set in and stayed with me throughout most of the morning. I'd forgotten about talking to Howl until after lunch. Sundays were also free and I hadn't seen him at all.

I made up my mind to go looking for him, since I wanted to apologize for whatever it was I did. I had since come to the conclusion that it probably was a bad idea to poke a sleeping bear. Whatever it was that made Howl upset clearly put others in danger. So I found him in the rec room reading and decided to approach.

"uh, hey Howl." I felt unsurprisingly awkward about this approach.

"oh. Hello." Howl seemed nervous as well, also unsurprising.

"listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I didn't think that it would matter I guess." Yes Chihiro, not thinking it would matter makes it better.

"No, it's fine. You couldn't have known I would react that way." I could tell he wanted to get the conversation over with, but of course awkward me couldn't leave it alone.

"Well, I mean, sorry anyway." Howl nodded followed by an awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I sit next to him? Walk away and reflect on how awkward the encounter was? Stand there like an idiot waiting for him to say something? I settled on option four. Turn the knife that I had jammed into my side. "So, uh, who's Sophie?"

Howl seemed surprised and I instantly regretted asking. "How'd you…?"

"Uh…Jenkins talked about her?" I shouldn't have said anything.

"Oh." He was quiet for a while, struggling against something I couldn't really see. I hoped that I hadn't sent him off again. "She was…well…"

"You really don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, you deserve an explanation."

He seemed determined to tell me so I sat down next to him and listened.

"I guess I have to begin by telling you that I come from a world that is much different than this one. Through a long series of events Sophie and I came to know and love one another."

He told me the story of how he and Sophie met. At first I couldn't believe what he was saying. But when I thought about it, I also had a pretty unbelievable story to tell. It was completely possible that his world existed.

His was one of magic and demons. Mine wasn't too different. He had been a powerful wizard and his Sophie had helped him get his heart back. It was a sweet story.

"But how did you get here?"

"All that happened after everything settled down. You see, we thought we had escaped Solomon's wrath so we went to living a peaceful life. We traveled around, I taught Markl magic, Sophie made hats, it was bliss." Howl was smiling as he remembered this. It was tinged with sadness but I hadn't seen that face on him before. When I met him he was pleasant but guarded. I only realized it now, but a lot of people I had met were guarded.

"Like all things though, it didn't last long. You see, we thought that Solomon had left us alone now that my heart was my own again. We were very wrong. I should have talked to her after the ordeal was over and cleared things up, of course I didn't. Solomon was lying in wait for me. She purposefully let us forget about her threat." Howl had escaped into himself as he told the story. I could tell he was seeing it all over again.

"We were in the Royal city one day visiting." He paused for a moment and stared forward uneasily.

"Look, if you're uncomfortable-"

"It was a stupid idea. I knew we shouldn't have been there, I was just being reckless like usual. Sophie didn't realize the mistake I had made until it was too late. She thought everything had cleared up. We got to the middle of the city before the guards surrounded us. I managed to get out but I couldn't get Sophie…I couldn't…" He stopped for a moment; I saw tears forming in his eyes.

I began to see his story playing out. An ornate city, eerily uniform guards surrounding Howl and his beautiful Sophie. Chaos as they tried to escape the men trying to pin them down. Sophie in Howl's protecting arms as he barreled through the guards. Terror surged through the two innocents as the crowds around the square shouted and murmured. Almost out of the huddle Sophie was grabbed by one of the uniformed men and pulled away from Howl. The Guards were at once satisfied with the captivity of one and quickly disappeared into nowhere with the help of Solomon's magic. Howl left in the dust shouted after Sophie and ran forward to try to find the disappeared guards but had no luck.

"I was defeated. They were gone. I knew they were after me but I didn't know what they were planning to do with Sophie. I was terrified for her. I stayed in the city trying to find a way to get into the palace without being noticed. There were more guards than ever before and I was out of practice with my magic so there was no way for me to get into the palace that way. I resolved to just go in the front door."

I saw an Image of Howl walking up large stairs, a hard determined look on his face. No one stopped him as he went and he was let right in when he approached the doors.

"I met with Solomon first and it was like the old days. I felt this paralyzing fear race through me and I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Sophie appeared from behind her and I couldn't help but run toward her."

The old woman, Solomon, held up a contented finger, the hollow smile never left her face.

"It was a trap. I should have known it would be. Light sprang up all around me and at once I felt my powers draining out of me. I was about to accept my fate when Sophie was at my side hugging me."

A circle of light swirled around the two of them and paper children sang and popped up and down as they laughed mockingly. Eventually one grew bigger than the rest. It loomed over Howl and Sophie ominously as it grew brighter.

"I knew what was about to happen. I tried to step in front of Sophie, to protect her, but she's unpredictable, always has been." He let out a little laugh. "At the last moment she pushed me out of the way."

The towering paper figure sent out a ray of light that engulfed Sophie in a terror ridden brilliance. I heard a piercing scream that wasn't in the rec room at all but in the circle of light, where Howl's mind was.

"She wasn't a witch so the magic just took what made up her source of life. I-it killed her. My Sophie is dead and I didn't save her."

There he was, on the couch sobbing but at the same time on the floor of this beautiful room with the dead Sophie in his arms. Solomon stood by with that paper smile spread across her face clicking her tongue because her spell had gone awry. I could see the pieces of Howl forming, his different aliases becoming different parts of who he was.

"I split up because I had to." He had composed himself, and I was a little startled when he started speaking. "I needed to get out so I put all of the rage I had into Pendragon and I got out. I don't even remember doing it. My magic was rusty so I wasn't in complete control of my different sides. When I came back to myself I was one hundred miles away, alone. When I realized what I had been through Jenkins took over for a while and I let him, he was a storage unit of all my misery. Calcifer finally found me and snapped me back into myself. He told me that they were still looking for me, so I had to run."

I had an image of Howl, borderline destitute, wandering through mountains and marsh lands to evade the identical guards that pursued him. I tried to imagine how he must have felt during that time and came up empty. I had never been through that sort of thing.

"I relied heavily on Pendragon, which is why he comes out most when I lose control. They ran me straight to the border of my realm. They thought I was cornered but Pendragon had grown strong through all of that running, he broke through the border and landed on this side. In your world. They found me as Pendragon and put me in jail before realizing what I was and sending me here."

It was silent for a moment as I took in this story. Howl seemed physically drained of energy; he was quietly weeping and doing a poor job of hiding it. I didn't know what to say to all that. His break down made a lot more sense now but I wasn't sure what to do with it. Vaguely I heard a door open and shut in the background but I didn't notice until Kiki's voice came ringing in the room.

"Chihiro! What have you done now!?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Miyazaki or studio Ghibli works.**

**A/N:** If anyone is interested in seeing what I look like in person you can check out my youtube account. I've just started vlogging and I'm not that great or frequent at it yet but I figured I'd shamelessly plug it here anyway. =) Here's a link to my latest video; watch?v=LQdMEg-T2hA

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"Come on! Leave him alone. You've done enough."

And then I was being dragged from the rec room. I was vaguely relieved to have an excuse not to have to awkwardly comfort Howl. That guilt ridden relief didn't last long though because I was soon being scolded.

"I don't know why you always have to barge in and upset people. Can't you tell when you've done enough damage?"

No, apparently not. In the spirit world I had a habit of helping situations when bad things happened, outside of this hospital I didn't really have any effect. I was beginning to wonder if this was a different world entirely, filled with bad luck and I was the cause of every hard ship.

"I was apologizing."

"Well you did a poor job of it didn't you?" Kiki was fuming. All I saw was her angry face lately; I was beginning to dislike her.

"No! He accepted my apology, and felt the need to give me a life story at that!"

My little outburst caught her off guard. She was silent for a moment. There was some sort of shock on her face and then a flicker of remorse before bitterness struck her. "Well isn't that nice for you." She said quietly.

"No. Not really."

We were both silent for a moment. I decided that if this was indeed another world, it was also a world filled with awkward silences.

"I haven't always been this mean you know." Kiki's venom had disappeared and I looked at her. She was staring at the floor with a familiar face on. This I could relate to. She was beating herself up for something that didn't have anything to do with me. She seemed to be honestly trying to apologize so I tried something to make it less awkward.

"So, uh…You can fly a broom stick?"

"Probably not anymore, I was never very good at it anyway." She answered immediately. I was slightly surprised at how quickly that came out; it didn't have malice in it, just sadness.

"So are you a witch or something?"

She laughed bitterly. She seemed just as far away as Howl had when he was telling his story and I wondered briefly if I was in for another sad tale. "I used to be, but witches aren't widely believed in anymore so…" She trailed off as if I would get her meaning.

"So…?" Of course I didn't understand.

"So I guess I'm not anymore." There was malice in this come back. This was followed by a reprimanding inward look. I could tell she was really trying not to be so angry. That was honesty and I could tell that she wasn't lying. I was beginning to see a different side to Kiki. "Besides, I've lost faith in it anyway. Nothing would work for me if I tried." There was a sad sort of laugh to it.

I hadn't noticed that we were in the hallway. I was too drawn in by the conversation I was having with Kiki, but when a nurse walked by we both shot to attention. We tried to smile innocently and could tell that the nurse didn't quite believe our expressions but she let us go without question anyway.

"Come on. Let's go to our room." Kiki muttered.

Once we got to the room I tried to start the conversation where we had left off. I had become more curious about this girl beside me than I had expected to ever be. Unfortunately she didn't seem to be the type to openly give her own backstory and she opened her mouth before I could think of another question.

"Was Howl using magic to tell his story?" She asked quickly.

"Uh, no, I don't think so." I was thoroughly confused. Was Howl using magic? Where did that come from? I knew Howl was a wizard but it didn't sound like he used his powers much anymore and I think I would have known if magic was being worked in front of me.

"Are you sure?"

"Why?"

"Well I came to the rec room because I heard a scream." She said. I was taken aback.

"Neither of us screamed."

"Well then I got there and it was just you two, but in front of you was Howl, only in rags. He had this twisted look on his face, like anger had been his only emotion for months. He was running from these guards that seemed to forever be on his tail. It was terrifying. More than that though, was that you two were sitting on the couch watching this like nothing was wrong. I mean Howl looked upset and you had this weird look of awe on your face but it didn't seem like you saw the image in front of you."

I had imagined what she was saying vividly but it wasn't in the room. "Um, I uh, hate to be redundant but are you crazy?"

"No. It was definitely there. Plain as day. Some sort of projection of the story Howl was telling you." She was looking at me intently, expectantly.

"He was saying those things but he wasn't projecting anything that I know of." I felt like I was defending myself. Like all of a sudden I was the liar in the room.

"Well, because he's told me that he can't use his magic on this side of the worlds border." She pushed past my statement without listening to it. She seemed hurt, but not at me.

I didn't know what to say. I shrugged. That didn't satisfy her.

"Well then. Are you a witch or sorceress of some kind?" She asked this bluntly as if it was the most normal question in the world.

"Um, no." That was the logical next conclusion? That I was the one behind some projection in the room? Maybe she was a liar and was trying to pin something on me. "Maybe it was you."

"No, no. I'm an old fashioned witch; I would need so much more than well…nothing to conjure something like that up."

This conversation was getting weird and I didn't like the thought she had placed in my head. Of course I wasn't responsible for those images she supposedly saw. Suddenly the room was thick and hot and I wanted more than anything to leave. Kiki was staring at me like she expected me to break down and say that I did it. I felt like I was on trial.

I let the silence in the room grow. I knew it was my turn to speak but I didn't know what was expected of me. I was beginning to think that this place was going to drive me legitimately insane. I was beginning to feel like I couldn't breathe when she asked me one more question.

"Chihiro, That boy you mentioned. He is you're love interest right?"

That was a weird thing to ask, and a weird way to say boyfriend. Maybe she realized that it would be hard to be as long distance as we were. I mean cross country relationships were hard, heaven forbid people start trying Trans dimensional dating. "Why do you ask?" The question had come out of nowhere.

"Look, just answer the question." She seemed annoyed.

"I don't really know if that's any of your business. Especially since you won't tell me why you want to know." I felt like I could be unusually cheeky to Kiki, maybe it was because she felt that she could be the same with me.

"This is ridiculous; it's just a simple question." She sat back on her bed as if she was above me.

"Yeah and my question was even simpler." Now I was just being stubborn but I got up to leave in an attempt to seem more above her than she was me.

"I just don't want you..." She paused for a moment and then looked down. "Whatever."

I decided not to pursue this and instead left the room. I wandered the halls for a while cooling down from the last exchange I had with Kiki.

Of course he was my love interest! Wasn't that clear in the story I told?_ Why was that even a question anyway? And he has a name! He's not just 'that boy'!_ Thoughts like that circulated my mind until I was tired of thinking about it. Eventually I found my way into the cafeteria. It seemed to be dinner. I wasn't particularly hungry but I got food anyway.

I didn't want to sit near Howl or Kiki but public school training kicked in and my fear of being seen as the loser sitting alone overpowered my feelings of disdain and avoidance. I went to take my place at the table. San was of course missing again, leaving the three of us to stare awkwardly at each other while we ate. Howl tried to make conversation every once in a while but any attempts at verbal communication was quickly extinguished by Kiki or I.

After dinner I went back to wandering the halls and found myself in the library again. This time, instead of finding a book and a chair I found the most secluded corner of the library and holed up there. My anger had mostly subsided and in the quiet of my tired brain one thing started to nag at me.

What had Kiki seen?

I had no reason to believe that Kiki was lying about Howl not being able to use magic. And he certainly didn't seem like he was in a position to cast visual reminders of his past in the middle of a public room. So what had it been? I had seen too much in this place so far to write it off as a hallucination caused by Kiki's prescription drugs. Besides that there was a lot more to this hospital ward than everyone around me seemed to be letting on.

Kiki seemed to have had a past life as a witch, Howl was a traveling sorcerer forced into this world, and who knew what San was but she had some sort of rivalry with another patient's mother. Put my backstory into the mix and it was just improbably enough to make materialized visual story telling tools plausible.

But how?

I wasn't any kind of witch or magic doer at all. But I was the only other one in the room and Kiki's conclusion wasn't farfetched. I was willing to believe almost anything at this point. Well, almost. The trouble was that I knew myself. And I knew I wasn't capable of magic. That was Grannies department not mine. Maybe she had traveled here and did it.

I was beginning to nod off but I didn't want to go back to the room. So I fell asleep against a large bookshelf containing fantasy novels that for all I knew could have been outdated nonfiction.

Once again I was surrounded by rushing water and the feeling of liquid flight. This time I knew better than to speak when the voice called out my name.

"_Chihiro."_

Now I only looked around for the source of the voice. Occasionally I thought I could see the outline of a dragon but it disappeared the second I tried to swim toward it.

"_I've come to find you."_

My heart skipped a beat. I had been hoping that he would come find me and take me away. Maybe this was it. However I was becoming exhausted trying to get to his shadow every time it came into view.

"_I don't have long."_

Then show me where you are. I'll come with you, you don't need to worry about that!

"_Please."_

What?

Then all at once the calm water became wavy and I had trouble swimming. I was gasping for breath that wasn't coming and I felt my lungs filling up with water.

Before I knew it my eyes were open and I was staring into the stern face of San.

"You shouldn't sleep here." She said abruptly as I gasped the sweet air around me. "If they find you, you'll get in trouble."

"What about you?" I managed to choke out.

"I'm always in trouble." She shrugged and helped me to my feet. I was puzzled by the kindness she was showing me all of a sudden. It was rough, but kindness nonetheless.

We walked back to my room in silence. It was mostly an acceptable silence since we were trying to stay quiet. Every once in a while I looked over at her. San walked with a type of calm urgency that was like she was walking into battle, preparing herself for bloodshed and loss. It was almost admirable, this was a woman hardened by more than just life.

We got to my room and I turned to her to say thank you but she spoke before I could say it.

"I don't like Kiki." She said out of the blue in a hushed tone. "She's not a liar, but she likes the attention. She wants to be bitter but has no real reason to be." She said it with a finality that I felt had to be fact. But my parents voices rang in my ears telling me not to believe everything that I was told.

"Well, never being believed can be hard." I said, feebly trying to defend her.

San shook her head microscopically. "She doesn't know what suffering is." She said it simply and then walked away, Leaving me with so much more to think about than any twelve year old should.


End file.
